Friends...a beautiful word.

Thanks, Sandra, Jazzie, Tahlia & Stacy. I look so forward to the day the little face of Stacy's cub is in these photos too.


Miss C - ready to be out and about.


Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

...and so it goes.

On Mother's Day of 2006 I ventured into the world of blogging as the wait began for my daughter. Along the way I have met amazing women, seen the acme of joy and the depths of despair in so many lives - including my own. I completely enjoyed the outlet of blogging and the connections.

On that day in 2006, I entered into the adoption blog venue wide-eyed and innocent. I did not realize that the specter of the wait was just creeping into my life. Yet, in time, the wait became a distinct entity residing in my life. 'The Process' consumed me. Sure, I lived my life but there was a always a veiled cloud lingering nearby. Someone was missing for such a long, long time. Looking back I now know how much blogging was a coping outlet for me.

I always thought I would continue to blog and enjoy it even more once my daughter was a reality. Rather, I no longer have a life with much semblance to the one I had before. I am a busy mom with ever-more new chapters opening in my life. I'm not in a place where I need my coping technique of blogging anymore (for now). In fact, I have been vacillating for months about bringing the blog to an end. I often wondered if I would come to regret it. But, I know I do look at the idea of blogging as work now rather than a pleasure or therapeutic event. It shouldn't be that way to make sense in my book.

I recently had the chat with some friends who had experienced very similar feelings as life unfolds now that our daughters are home. I have decided, before I slack off and don't commit, that I am officially ending my time of active blogging. I won't pull this blog, for now, in case I do find that I would want to do some sporadic updates. As well, I will still be checking in on you through my reader. You just won't see me commenting much (which has been the case for several months anyway).

For those still waiting, I feel for you. I still remember that pain. But, the time will come. The pain will heal, each day a little more, as your child is finally a reality in your world.

For me, the ghosts of the past and the emotional demands of the wait have been chased away by one little girl. As her mom, I am going to leave that chapter behind and step fully into the future while grasping one tiny little hand.

Happy trails....

Road trippin'

The house sitters have arrived and Bones is ready to head out for some fabulous weekend fun. More later. (Let's see how that smile holds up after 10 hours in the car :0)

Pumpkins farms and playgrounds

Lovin' the swing. Her head got more loft with Auntie Robin's buckeye corker bow and she was cracking up. I think I may need to wait for her head to be a little bigger than the bow though ;0)



Diggin' the red shoe sisterhood.



That finger sticking up and the view of the goat struck me funny.



Such a cutie...best looking flower of the bunch.



She was quite into the man in uniform and I had to intervene to foil her attempts to disrobe him.

Monkeying around...

I do believe we're in for a great month. Her costume couldn't be a better match for her personality :0)





I love this little chimp.

Why I hardly ever blog now...

Stare at the computer screen or play with her...which would you rather do?



A few of the things keeping us busy this morning...

Bathtime smiles.


Potty-schmotty - who needs a baby chair? C is doing very well with #2 on the potty. She pretty much has been great with that since our beginnings. We're still perfecting the art of peeing on the potty and we'll get there when we get there.



PS: The hair is just in fun. I really don't take her around spiked out on a day-to-day basis.




First haircut. That hair gal certainly made her bucks in 10 seconds or less. But, I decided to spare C my attempt which, I am sure, would have had her looking very crooked.


Twenty months old tomorrow! How is it going by so quickly??? We're well past baby and onto little girl with attitude. She still likes to play itty-bitty baby when I bundle her up, hold her like a little one and give her milk. This lasts all of five minutes but she does like it enough to initiate it nearly every day. Mostly it's reading books while sitting up like a big girl on mom's lap.

The Empty House.

"To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the good and wise learn wisdom for the future." - Plutarch

A computer problem cut me off from easy access and, as a result, I reconnected with other areas of my life. C and I have been a busy pair and all is very well as we approach 7 months as a family.

A few weeks back we were strolling my prior neighborhood along the path that was my running route for several years. Although I could no longer hope to run it right now, I feel so connected to that route. It is as though I know every line and dimple in the street. Being there took me back to a time of my life that was incredibly happy for completely different reasons than the ones that fuel me now.

Every evening on my route I would trot by one particular house and see a modern-day Norman Rockwell come to life. So often I would find the yard graced by kids and parents playing with the dog. Other nights they would be inside gathered in the front of the house all sharing the evening meal. I never knew this family more than to wave a greeting. But, I made them the family that represented an ideal. Somehow it was comforting to have the belief that this family really DID seem to have it all and appreciate it. I am a realistic adult and, on the intellectual level, know no relationship is without trials. Still, they were my banner carriers that the nuclear family could survive and thrive in the generations following my parents. I suppose having grown up in a two-parent home I saw this as 'the norm'. But, as an adult, I have encountered so many very unhappy people - in realtionships and out. It is disheartening. Indeed, even my own situation of being burned severely has left me with no real interest in pursuing a relationship. (Good thing since there is absolutely no time for that these days ;0) I am more than happy devoting my attentions to my role as my daughter's mom. Still, it was a comfort to believe 'that family' could work so well and they always held a special place in my fond memories.

I passed the house for the first time in nearly five years. It was empty. It was for sale. Of course, my fantasy land led me to believe they had been transferred and were living in another city as happily as they had seemed to live here. The neighbor was out in his yard so I decided to inquire. I wish I hadn't. I was told the house had already changed owners more than once. My ideal family has left me with a sad heart. The boy who I saw with his parents so many evenings when I ran by took his own life nearly three years ago. His parents divorced less than a year later. Their daughter - I cannot begin to imagine what has come of her life. I did not even really know this family but they surely have been on my mind often these past weeks.

Is nothing what it seems? I suppose I am not so jaded that I am spared disillusionment and sadness. There are just too many lost dreams and hurting souls. I sometimes get overwhelmed by it in my work and other relationships. One day at a time. But, I have the gift of treasuring this age with my daughter. The joyful innocence of it all is so good. It gets me through all the other 'stuff'. I do worry about the time when the innocent joys are a thing of the past for her. It's a tough world. I will do my best to prepare her with a wise mind,sensitive spirit and a compassionate heart.

It's enough for now simply to want for my child only to laugh often, sleep restfully, and know in her soul that she is loved.